Yeah... today I was talking to someone while working on some Printmaking
homework and at one point my freak-out-in-crowds issue came up during the
conversation. As it turns out, the person I was talking to just happens to have
the same problem! Wasn't sure if it was the exact same thing
at first, but talking about it more I found that pretty much every single thing
matched up; the only difference whatsoever was that the "freakout symptoms" when
it actually happens are a bit different (she tended to do more crying/emotional
stuff more often while I usually just freeze up and get silent and twitchy;
pretty much the same aside from that one difference.)
Apparently what she has is called "Social Anxiety," and is an actual
recognized psychological disorder. Literally every last detail
about this thing was the same between the two of us, all the way down to the
variety of different factors involved in what sets it off (number of people
around, how the room was set up, where I am in that room, whether I have someone
I know to sit with, etc. etc.) and ways to deal with it (understanding how it
works makes it easier, as does having people to talk to/sit with/etc. rather
than being alone or among strangers)... the absolute only difference there was
is the difference in some of the "freak-out symptoms," and even some of those
matched up. And apparently there are medications to treat this thing, which
apparently tone down the effects of the freak-outs and make them happen less
often or in ways that are more manageable. I'm seriously considering looking
into this; the thought that I can actually get something that will help with
this freaking out in crowds issue and make it easier to deal with crowded room
situations is pretty amazing and could probably make my life here at school (and
afterward) even better than it already is. I mean, imagine if the reason why I
have so many problems at dances (asking girls, etc.) and when it comes to
dating-type stuff (again, actually asking girls) has something to do with the
same thing that always makes me freak out in crowds? If I could take some pills
that would tone down that sort of thing, who knows what kind of great stuff
could happen? I mean, if the side-effects of it (...because there's always
side-effects with these things) weren't too bad, anyway. I'm not going to go
through constant nausea/vomting/upset stomach/diarrhea (or worse) just to freak
out less in crowds... so hopefully whatever side-effects exist for this sort of
thing aren't too severe, if I get any at all. I mean, it's probably too soon to
go ahead and diagnose myself with something (I'd need to go see an actual
psychologist and figure that out first), but still... that'd have to be one hell
of a coincidence for me to just happen to have the exact same problems
as someone who was diagnosed with this social anxiety thing and
not have the same thing.
Other than that... today was a pretty good day, though uneventful early on. The Mormons were mostly all off watching general conference all day, so not many people were around... though a small group were gathered right outside my door to watch part of it. Which included a girl who appeared to be lying on the floor sleeping, only to suddenly sit up for the closing prayer... and then *plop* right back down into her seemingly-asleep position once again right after the prayer was over. I'm not sure why, but I found this (and the rest of her rolling-around-on-the-floor antics earlier... but the "sit up... wait... plop back down" thing especially) to be ridiculously cute. Kind of like a cat rolling around doing goofy things, actually. XD
Did 2D Design and Printmaking homework today--three Bill Clinton portraits earlier, and three Cthulhu prints on the nice Rives paper later on. The last of the three Cthulhus turned out really well, so I'll probably make that one my BAT print (the best of the practice ones that you use as an example for what the rest of your "real" prints will be like.) I also got a good load of Spanish homework done earlier on; not sure exactly how much I still need to work on, but it's not much if I remember right, maybe one more sheet or so and then I can go back through and do corrections (which are part of our grade; otherwise I wouldn't ever do them, just like going to tutoring last year. XD) Most of my homework for Monday is finished, and if I have much more to do it'll be easy to get it done tomorrow since... it's a Sunday, there's nothing to do on Sundays. I may end up going to at least one of the Mormon general conference meetings tomorrow, though it depends on how things work out (I'm sure I'll at least be able to see the second half; maybe part of the first during lunch if they're showing it in the dining hall.)
Also ate at Subway today for the first time since I've been sick; Italian BMT as always (I keep wanting to try another sub, but the BMT is just so good! I can't resist it sometimes! XD), though this time the avocado was actually fresh-looking (no brown crust) so I added some of that instead of just getting the usual meat, cheese, veggies, and chipotle sauce. Really good sub; glad I walked down there instead of trying to stay in the dining hall and eat mediocre pasta, especially since there weren't many people in there to talk to. For a while I considered walking over to where this one girl I know lives (in the red apartments) just to see how she's been, since I haven't seen her at all since the day I bumped into her and ended up talking for hours... but right when I got within 10 feet of her door, I suddenly had to use the bathroom, and it'd be weird to just randomly show up at someone's place and immediately ask to use the bathroom. So I guess I'll have to save that for another day.
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