This is actually something I've been wanting to post for a while: I stumbled across this list on the Internet at some point months ago (I honestly can't remember how I found it--I want to say I was reading a list someone else had linked to, then stumbled across a link to another one, and then THAT one had a link to this one... but it's been a while so I honestly don't know)... and, well... it was just embarrassingly stupid, full of terrible advice and generalizations about how people work that are rarely actually true unless you're dealing with a walking stereotype (and if you are, RUN AWAY and never look back.)
The list is here: "50 Things Every Woman Should Realize About Men." If you know a thing or two about how people actually work (or at least know enough to know that differences between individuals are what matters, not lame assumptions made about entire groups), you should probably already know it's gonna be a load of crap with a title like that... nothing in the history of the world that started with the thesis of "men and women are, like, sooooo totally different!" has ever been remotely accurate, after all. But anyway, if you're smart you knew that already. So... onward, to the part where I point out exactly how it's a load of crap!
If I don't say anything about an item on the list, either it's just not worth saying anything about (either it's dumb, but in a fairly harmless way... or it's just not something I can say much about) or it didn't get any more of a reaction out of me than "eh." Things that I don't mention might be "true-ish" or at least true for enough people that I can let them pass, or they're just... not really worth saying anything about because they're not saying much of anything in the first place.
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#3 -- This is not as much of an unconscious reflex as this list seems to think. A guy's first reaction to seeing ANY female is not "check her out," unless that guy is the type of guy who should be punished with enforced celibacy for his crimes of aggravated douchebaggery. Just briefly noticing someone's presence does not amount to "checking them out," by the way--it's one thing to notice "oh hey, there's someone walking by" and it's another thing entirely to spend 30 seconds staring at her butt as she passes. One of these is a natural reaction (not noticing the presence of another person when you're looking right at them is weird), the other is a conscious choice.
#4 -- Depends. If you're actively trying to get rid of my friends, then yes, you are in trouble. But a general "will always pick friends over girlfriend if I have to choose," no. My friends are wrong about things sometimes, too--they are people after all. Also, why are you acting like "friend" and "girlfriend" are two mutually exclusive categories, stupid-list-on-the-Internet? I would need to be friends with someone first before dating/etc. becomes possible at all.
#5 -- Criticize my mom all you want, as long as it's a legitimate criticism. She is not some holy being who can do no wrong. And I seriously hope that anyone I end up dating won't have many things in common with my mother, or we probably wouldn't be together very long...
#6 -- Wait, what? Actual good advice? On this list? It's a miracle!
#8 -- If I walk in and you are being all quiet to "let me stare at the TV for half an hour," I will assume something's horribly wrong.
#9 -- If you're trying to say that I'll lose control, run off, and screw some random girl just because I'm not having regular sex for a while, then you are an idiot, Mr. List-on-the-Internet. Yes, trying to manipulate someone by withholding sex until they do something you want them to do is pretty messed up... but sex is not something I can't go without. I have 28 years of practice after all. Also, masturbation freaking exists. There are ways of getting rid of those urges that don't involve infidelity.
#10 -- No, I'm not.
#11 -- Honestly, the other hole appeals to me FAR more than that one. I'll try it (with a condom) if you want, but unless YOU actually like it, please don't push for it. Especially if you're only doing so because you think I want it because some dumb list on the Internet said so.
#12 -- No, I don't. I probably don't even know them. Also, "90% of the women I've ever met?" Good lord, what kind of mindless sex-robot do you think I am? I've only had serious thoughts of so much as *kissing* ONE of the women I've ever met, and only vague fantasy-type thoughts (but only that--there was no thought of actually attempting anything) involving maybe a dozen or so more beyond that one. That's not even close to 90% of the women I've ever met. That's not even close to 90% of those I'm currently friends with.
#13 -- I don't give a damn about pool, or who can beat who in whatever. Competitiveness is not a part of my being. Yeah, I'd rather win at things than lose at them, but I don't really care enough to make a big deal out of it either way--whether the thing itself is any fun is infinitely more important.
#14 -- I probably won't be the "instigator" most of the time. I don't know for sure, what with the "never had sex before" thing and all, but I can't imagine that would be easy for me to do, considering that initiating ANYTHING is hard for me. So you'd better make this more than "every once and a while" unless you only want sex slightly more than "every once and a while."
#15 -- I probably won't notice that, actually.
#16 -- I suck at opening pickle jars, actually, so please don't hand them off to me unless you've tried and loosened them up ahead of time first. I'm also kinda awful at changing light bulbs (though the fluorescent ones are oddly easier to screw in than the old incandescent ones), so please don't think I will be magically better at that than you just because of my Y chromosome. It doesn't actually give you superpowers, y'know.
#17 -- My liking you is not dependent on how much you weigh. Hopefully you never had the "I've got to stay under whatever weight to find a boyfriend" mindset in the first place so this won't be a problem for you. Yes, try not to balloon up to the point where it's unhealthy for you... but don't be obsessive about it and don't think that if you gain 5 pounds I'm going to suddenly not like you anymore. Unlike the so-called emotions of the sort of people who wrote this list, the feelings I have toward people I truly care about are not fragile little soap bubbles that bust into a million pieces in a light breeze.
#18 -- Not necessarily. Not everyone gets to the point of considering marriage at the same speed. Some people are Mormon and think you need only a few months, while others legitimately might need 3 years or more to get to that point. I know that's all you know how to do, but please--don't make generalizations, Mr. List-on-the-Internet.
#19 -- Hallelujah, a double-decker miracle: TWO good pieces of advice hiding among the garbage heap that is the rest of this list! Yes, trying to force people to do something is a TERRIBLE idea (...not just guys, but anyone.)
#20 -- No, I don't. I will be okay with adopting, but only if YOU want kids. If you aren't sold on the idea of kids and want me to be the "tiebreaker" then guess what, we probably won't be having any kids. And I don't give a damn about "leaving a legacy behind" and you'd better not go off the birth control, especially if you don't let me know about it first.
#21 -- Only if it's obvious. I'm not a mind-reader.
#22 -- Shared interests are nice and all, but don't force yourself to be involved in stuff you don't like for my sake.
#23 -- As someone who doesn't care about clothes (note: not caring about clothes is independent of gender! there are guys who care way too much about stuff like this, too), this one is actually probably true.
#24 -- See above.
#27 -- Having to guess stuff is terrible. So yeah, this one's probably actually good advice too.
#28 -- Depends. Some girls look nice with short hair, or at least shortER hair. Sometimes even those that I think will only look nice with longer hair. You may or may not be one of them.
#32 -- False, there are most definitely things I will NOT do. I won't go into them here, however, because they're gross and some of my Mormon friends are probably reading this. XD Just ask if you want to know what they are, don't assume something's going to be a "yes" or "no" automatically.
#33 -- Talking about feelings is most definitely not "the girl's thing." I can and will talk about mine.
#34 -- If that "big piece" has bones in it, you can have it. I'll take a little one without bones, thanks.
#35 -- I'm unsure what this even means. Probably some bullshit that only "wannabe super-macho-man" idiots care about.
#36 -- I'd rather know a few vague details than a flat "this many" number, actually... if all you're willing to say is "there were this many before you" then you'd be better off saying nothing at all.
#37 -- Don't lie about this stuff. If there's something I can do to improve, let me know.
#39 -- ...if I'm walking ahead of you and happen to get to a door first. Don't expect some "running to doors to open them before you get there" crap. Or opening car doors, that's just dumb.
#40 -- My own moral compass works just fine, thanks. If, however, you think that ALL guys just inherently have malfunctioning moral compasses, perhaps you should get your own checked out--it sounds like somebody has sabotaged it.
#41 -- I don't have this strange ego problem that you're assuming I have, Mr. List-on-the-Internet.
#43 -- Actually, I have little-to-no interest... so if YOU want a threesome this one will be reversed.
#44 -- Quiet sucks. Quiet worries me. Please ignore this list's terrible, terrible advice.
#45 -- Compliments kinda creep me out, so go easy on them.
#50 -- I am probably complicated enough to be at least two of you. simplicity is overrated and I want no part in it.
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