And no, I'm not referring to the fact that I've consistently had nothing but good days since... well, right around the beginning of March really. Though that still seems a little odd to me too, compared to how things were before.
What I'm talking about now is the feeling of, for the first time in a looooong time (...well okay, 2-3 years isn't that long, but still), not really having one or two or more girls that I have ridiculous crushes on that refuse to go away. Earlier this week I finally managed to clear up one of the lingering "what if?" situations that's been following me around pretty much ever since late October of my first semester here at SVU (she's still not really interested in dating/relationships at all, and is unlikely to change her mind anytime soon, but amazingly enough bringing it up actually wasn't awkward at all and we're still really good friends), and a little while before that I managed to finally get over a more recent crush on someone else that seemed unlikely to ever turn out very well, especially after I ended up getting way too attached and waited too long to let her know and it sorta drove me nuts (would I still like to go on a date with her sometime? ...okay, yeah, to be honest I probably would if the possibility ever came up. I suppose the feelings there are a little less gone than I'd like to admit. But she's not constantly stuck in my head anymore and when she does briefly drift through there it doesn't end up making me kinda miserable anymore, so I'm okay with that. XD)
But yeah... after the "one major crush after another" sort of thing that's gone on the entire time I've been at SVU, it's so weird to not have anyone that's just... almost constantly in my thoughts like that. I guess there are still a few people that are in that range of "hey, this person actually seems really interesting and I'd like to get to know her better and it might be nice to go on a date or something at some point" (one or maybe two have sort of popped up into that range just this week, actually...) and there's probably at least a few that could be hovering just outside that range (as in, I probably could end up liking them on some more-than-friends level but it hasn't gotten quite to the point where I really am aware of that so far)... but there just isn't anyone that I'm completely freaking obsessed with anymore.
And I guess that's probably a good thing. If liking someone that much makes you feel nervous and uncomfortable and just generally awful rather than feeling better, I figure it's probably not all that healthy.
Hopefully in the future I won't get that attached to people anymore, at least not until after it seems like there's a chance it might not be completely one-sided. Between that and my recent decision to go ahead and ask people on dates shortly after first getting the thought rather than waiting around forever, I think my luck may end up turning around a bit. I mean, I can't predict the future, so it's hard to say for sure... but it seems like my biggest problem in the past hasn't been just "being single" (though yeah, I'd really like it if that would hurry up and end, too!) so much as the fact that I've always ended up in these situations where the feelings were definitely there on my end, but it was completely one-sided (or the other person only saw me as a friend and never anything more than that.) And then when I get to the point where I think of asking someone on a date or otherwise letting them know that those feelings are there, I usually have ended up letting things "fester" for too long rather than just going ahead and doing it. Honestly I think that even the opposite situation would work out better for me--if someone ended up liking me as more than a friend, but I didn't feel the same way about her. I mean, I wouldn't be able to just jump straight ahead into a relationship or anything, but I think I'd be open to at least trying to see if those feelings might develop on my end of things after finding out that they're already there on her end. Of course, so far I haven't really become aware of anyone liking me in that way (I have some suspicions, but considering how that sort of thing usually works out for me, it's probably just me making blind guesses and reading too much into things), but you never know.
In other news... this week as been a good week, surprisingly enough considering that it's spring break and a lot of people are not around. The good side of that, of course, is that SVU is less crowded than usual and nobody's busy with classes so random visits to friends' houses are a lot easier to manage. I actually haven't really been lonely at all this week, which kind of amazes me. Went to a job fair thing on Tuesday over at the community college's Rockbridge Center, and ended up with a bunch of stuff to fill out in an attempt to get a job (or at least find stuff that may help me get a job.) One of the websites I was referred to ended up being basically worthless because they apparently require you to have a car before they'll even make an attempt to help you find a job, so that was a little annoying... but I did manage to sign up for two other help-get-a-job sorts of things and I have one more left to try (plus at least one actual job application form--some company is going to be buying one of the local gas station/store places and they'll be hiring people after that, so I may end up being able to work there) so hopefully something will work out. Also managed to have a really great lunch at Don Tequila's with a good friend afterward, and then bump into some other friends randomly later on the same day, which led to me hanging around at their house for several hours and watching an episode of Star Trek. I'm getting pretty far on a painting that I've been working on for a while; just the lower-left corner is left completely unpainted at this point, though I may end up adding some more stuff in there before I finish it up. Spent most of last night hanging around and goofing off with friends again (at first the same ones from Tuesday and then some different people later on)... yeah, I think that's the main reason why spring break has actually been good for me, the fact that I've been able to find friends to hang around with so consistently for once.
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